I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
