He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
