if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
