I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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