I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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