i was born a porn star she said
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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