how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
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