i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
