so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
