brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
