I heard we made out
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize
