Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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