I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
