As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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