god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
