i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
