Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
