Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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