the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize