This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Randomize
