I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
