OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
