I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
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the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
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She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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