It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
