Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
