Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
