So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
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