i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
