the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
