first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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