We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I think my moral compass just broke
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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