You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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