Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
