he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
