apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
23 Annoying things Girls Do When They’re Trying To Be Cute
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
27 Unforgettable Hookup Texts
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
The cops high fived after they tackled you