i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"