Wow word travels fast.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.