would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
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