So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
