He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Randomize
