if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Randomize
