yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
My cat gives me a boner
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
