dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
