I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
