Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
