I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
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