haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize