i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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