i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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