I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
