I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
