would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Randomize
