i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
