so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
