After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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