I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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