oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
