i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
