Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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